Zootopia: Movie Review

Greetings friends! I have returned, however briefly, to talk about a movie that actually interested me enough to write about (quite the rarity now-a-days it seems). Why choose Zootopia you say? Well, if you keep reading you’ll find that out you silly twat. It is a fucking review after all.

For the purposes of this review, I want to basically split this movie in half and talk about the two halves separately. The first half, about the first hour, left me very confused. They kind of fumbled into making a decision about what the main lesson was going to be. Not unlike a prostitute having second thoughts about her chosen career path half way into a back alley blowie. Right out of the gate they oversell the shit out of the whole “you can’t do this with your life because social norms” thing. Then they squashed it after the bunny became a police officer. Then it was an issue again and thankfully this stuck and actually became a lesson. However, before that became clear, they also added in the whole racist society thing. They then squashed that as well. Then they pushed it back into shape and squashed it yet again. Then they kind of pushed it back into shape but only to the equivalent of a half chub, and finished the movie by squashing it again. This whole first hour of bipolar plot was a little irritating and made me want to piss off and write a scathing review on the spot. However, being the proper reviewer I like to think I am, I decided to finish because maybe it would unfuck itself. And thank god it did.

The next half of the movie was actually quite good. They finally stopped dicking around and found the road map to the plot, which turned out to be quite good. The bunny found some missing animals and became a not shit investigator in the eyes of her water buffalo boss, Swiper no swiping got exiled then didn’t because Ms. Bunny Cop figured out that a flower was behind what it looked like wolves were doing, and they became a crime fighting duo rivaled only by Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan.

Now we can move onto the stuff that was objectively good about the movie.

The animation was surprisingly good. Yes, I know it’s Disney and all that, I’m not saying they aren’t good usually so you can put your pitchforks down. It’s just that I haven’t watched a Disney movie since at least 10 years ago, so it looked quite good. I was also a fan of the voice acting. The majority of it was acceptable but the fox was really entertaining and well done. Though when you look at who did it that’s not much of a surprise considering it’s fucking Jason Bateman. You know, the guy that’s in like, fucking everything? Yeah, that guy. Also, just as a side note, I’d like to applaud the choice to have the only stoner character in the movie voiced by god damn Tommy Chong. Fucking perfect.

7/10. Like I said, I did like this movie. The second half of the movie makes up for the Cleveland Browns level of plot fumbling that took place in the first half. By the way to any Toronto Blue Jays fans out there, haha you got smoked by the Indians. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to go masturbate to a highlight reel of Andrew Miller pitching outs against Toronto.


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