Batman VS. Superman: Movie Review

If we’re being honest with ourselves you basically saw Batman VS. Superman by watching the preview for it but I found this movie interesting enough to do a review on it anyways so here we go. We open being given reasons to hate both Superman and Batman, assumingly so that we can feel both sides of our main characters’ mutual detest for one another. Batman hates Superman because he killed a bunch of innocent people for the greater good and Superman hates Batman because he interrogated a criminal. Really? That’s your grand reason for hating him, Klark? I think you’ll need to do better than that off bat (see what I did there?) if you want a larger audience reaction to your side of the argument. Granted Batman later goes on to literally shoot people but at the time we didn’t know that. So, effectively, all that has been accomplished is informing us that Batman was Batman and Superman was the only one that could be seen as kind of an issue.

Anyway, as we continue we’re introduced to all the stock characters you’d expect to see in a movie like this: Lois Lane, Alfred, Lex Luthor, and a Russian guy who shoots things. I would like to draw attention to Lex though as he seems to be the center of a lot of controversy. For some reason it seems like everyone hated Jesse Eisenberg as Lex. Getting my opinion out of the way, Jesse Eisenberg was fantastic as Lex Luthor. Before you get out your pitchforks and torches and come marching to my home to tar and feather me, hear me out. In case you weren’t paying attention, the Lex in BVS isn’t THE Lex Luthor. THE Lex Luthor was his father; Eisenberg’s Lex just inherited the company. The proof is in the pudding… if the pudding was made of movie quotes. Our first introduction to Lex in this movie has him saying that “my dad was the ‘Lex’ behind LexCorp”. So, not only is it OK to make him different from the original, I think its good. At the very least it shows that the writers had some sense of creativity.

Now that I look like a chicken that got caught in an oil spill, let’s talk about the first thing that comes to mind of when you think of what should have been present in this movie but wasn’t. And now that we’ve had time to process the image of Lois Lane and Wonder Woman doing the horizontal tango, we can talk about the lack of solid fight scenes in BVS. My citation for this criticism is going to be the desert scene when Batman tried to get the large rock of kryptonite. This was easily one of the worst fight scenes the Bat has ever been a part of, and I would like to know who exactly is responsible for deciding that the assumingly trained mercenaries that were there to double cross Batman should fight like they’re trying to give Batman a snuggle while stuck in video game lag. I mean for fucks sake, if you’re going to have them just run at Batman at least give them knives or machetes or something that allows that course of action make sense; not guns that apparently don’t work so they need to run in and try to bludgeon the fucker to death with them. As a small side note I feel is necessary to mention, this film left me with a sense of something missing. I don’t have faintest idea what that is but the feeling is there so I felt I should mention it. Also I feel I need more reason than just “the fighting sucked” to give BVS the score that I want to.

Moving on.

As a closer I figure I should go out on a high note. I wanted to praise the filmmakers for putting a lot of effort into letting us know how far into the anthology of our 2 superheroes we really are. Going in I honestly expected to get none of this considering that the majority of the audience either wouldn’t care or wouldn’t notice it. But they did it anyway and it was great. The tattered Robin suit specifically was a nice touch and that combined with the burned Wayne manor made me feel all tingly as I drew a connection between this film and the Batman continuity followed in the video game series that I enjoy so much.

All-in-all I give Batman VS. Superman: Dawn of Justice a cool 6/10 with points taken off for awkward fight scenes and for leaving me with a vague feeling of empty enjoyment not unlike the feeling you might get after eating a box of donuts by ones self.

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